so loving these lyrics right now...

this song below just hits home. really speaks to me.

"Fidelity" ~ Regina Spektor ~
(Shake it up)
I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart
And suppose I never met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall
All my friends say that of course its gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better
Better better better
I never love nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting by heart truly
I got lost
In the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind
All this music
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart
I hear in my mind all of these voices
I hear in my mind all of these words
I hear in my mind all of this music
Breaks myHeart
Breaks my heart

gratitude. right now.

I love Ali Edwards. I mean that in a.. I stalk her blog daily, and rarely post.. because so much of what she says and does just needs to marinate within me.. and a TON of it really hits home. her blog entry today talked about being grumpy and just in that palce you can't shake. i'm there most of the time. unable to find my true happiness. unable to shake the funk. a know a great deal of it is related to my health.. and well, how unhealthy i am most of the time. a great deal of which i really have no control over. i've got virtually no immune system anymore thanks to that lovely ol' graves disease. so, i get sick. often and easily. it sucks. (and NO! to my friends who love me.. it's not because i don't wear a coat.) haha

so, i'm going to take these thoughts from ali below, let them marinate and push it off on to my tiny, minute reader base... think about gratitude. really. think. about. gratitude. i have tons. instantly that come to mind. things to be grateful for.

so, go hear.. check out ali's site... she just rocks... http://www.aliedwards.typepad.com/

SIX THINGS SHELLEY IS GRATEFUL FOR RIGHT THIS MOMENT:
1. i can hear daddy giving the love of his life a tubby, right now. right below my office. pure bliss.
2. see above. my office is home. i am intensely grateful for that.
3. i have a man that loves me. unconditionally.
4. i am a mom. period. need i say more?
5. i have a good life. now.
6. the sun is shining. i live in upstate ny. again.. need i say more?

what are you grateful for? right now? this very moment?

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." -John Fitzgerald Kennedy

creativity

I found the motivational boost below, while searching for an inspiring and touching quote about an encounter i've recently had with an old, very dear friend of mine.. more on that in a while... but... wow. just. wow. how perfect are these words below about creativity. i HATE HATE HATE it when people say.. "oh, but i'm not creative... i don't have time.. " blah blah blah.. it's all empty words to me. it is true.. creativity can simply mean, seeing a connection to something, where a connection does not exist. i have been spending my days lately working on my creativity. seeing a new way of doing things. even in work, it's creativity that often helps me find ways to be more efficient. but it's in my passion, that creativity drives me.

so, you fellow scrappy folks (and other non-scrappy like folk), read below.. and just be. just. be. creative. it's just that easy.

"Be creative Creativity is not reserved just for those who engage in artistic pursuits. In every life, in every situation, there are opportunities to be creative. Being creative means acknowledging that there are many possibilities beyond the obvious. Being creative means having the courage to consider doing things in a way that's different than the way they've always been done. Creativity gives you the ability to solve multiple problems with a single course of action. Creativity transforms weakness into strength, and builds value where there was none before. Imagine the possibility of a connection between things that don't appear to be connected, and creativity will start to take hold. Look at life from a new perspective, and it will further nourish your creativity.
Creativity refuses to accept limits. And as such, with sufficient creativity you can move beyond any obstacle. There is always room for improvement, and there is always a place for beauty, for achievement, for fulfillment. Be creative, and you'll continue to add richness to life."
-- Ralph Marston

on liking me...

this is a task that has not been easy for me in the past several years. motherhood has taught me SO much about this. i spent my twenties not liking myself. disrespecting myself. not taking care of myself. in my thirties, i was faced with one health problem after the next, so i really began to loathe myself. to question my worth. and then i got pregnant. it all changed. i realized in order to raise a healthy, self respecting child in today's society, it has to begin with me. if i do not take care of myself, like myself, and cherish myself... of what worth am i to my daughter?

today's quote really hit home to me. i am working towards more and more success. and i am liking it. and i am liking how i do it. i am simplifying life and that to me is success in and of itself.

"success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it." ~ Maya Angelou

happy tuesdays to ya!

very random things today...

so loving these little create your own card catalogue lists... i found through this blog http://www.teresamcfayden.typepad.com/ which she found on this site http://www.blyberg.net/card-generator/ .. too cute!

• i am having trouble keeping to my lists. when i was crashing with Grave's disease three years ago, I made lists, then lists to tell me where the list was, a list on how to most effictively follow the list.. and then a list of where to keep all the lists. yes, grave's caused me to lose my car in parking lots on MORE than one occassion. good times, i tell you.. good times.
• autism scares me. i mean it really scares me. it is the unknown. i follow AE's blog daily, and am astounded by her perserverence on such an intense level. my daughter does not have autism. but Lord, what if? how can what you have just be stripped away from you in an instant? i am thinking so much about this right now due to the recent episode of extreme home makeover. 5 children. all biological. 4 children with autism. wow. i mean. wow. i sobbed for these people. for happiness and grief for what that mother must endure on a daily basis.
• i need to get out more
• i obsess over things i have NO control of
• i need to get out more
• i learned a valuable work/life lesson today. no one you work with is truly your friend. NO ONE! i thought i had a few good ones. they were like family to me. and in an instant, i learned. not so much. lesson learned. game on. that's all i can say to that.
• i really think all of my hard work WILL pay off someday
• i need to get out more
• i wonder if my husband knows how much i really do love him?

hard work?

i've worked hard the past 5 days. so hard, my head hurts. i have another interview on wednesday, to which i feel i have been set up to fail. i am relying on someone else to provide me the information to complete a project i am supposed to present on wednesday as part of my interview. i have no way of going around this person to get what i need.. they have the info i need. so.. to my quote of the day... yes. hard work. it is an opportunity. perhaps someone will notice and realize my potential anyhow. i am driven and the inablities of others to follow through and communicate, just makes me work that much harder. demanding to be noticed.

what causes you to work hard?

ability

do you need it to succeed? not necessarily. my thought for the day SO applied to what i have experienced the last few days. i am up for a promotion that to some, i clearly do not deserve. i haven't been "around" long enough. don't have enough experience. to others, i have what it takes to succeed. i am honest. i am dedicated. i am hardworking. those who doubt me, i think are afraid of me. they are the ones that constantly challenge me to bring it. i don't think they know that. i can "bring it." with reckless abandon. and the character to stay at the top? yeah. i've got it. give me a chance to bring it. so look out.. i'm almost there...

my two cents for today... what causes you to "bring it?"

pure. cuteness.

had to share the pure cuteness of this face. how sweet can it get? and don't you just have to reach out for a pinch???

I tell them YES!

today. phew. WOW. i am nervous. today i have an opportunity to sell myself. an opportunity to advance. the best part about it all? i wasn't even looking for it. nope. not in the least. i was content with work. content with my daily challenges. simple. content. so when i get a call and am told that it's best i update my resume, i'm shocked. never thought i was being noticed in my little world of work. but apparently, i was. and someone is interested. so, i go into this with an open mind. i have not set the expectation to win. i have set the expectation that yes, i can do this. and if i don't "win", it's nothing but more experience under my belt. i have fought my entire life to be noticed. to succeed. to advance. always through much adversity and political channels. always being told no. and so when i came across the quote on the side, it hit very close to home. because in all the times i HAVE been told no... i come back with a very resounding.. YES.

so today... what do you say yes to???

ah... serendipity

As the saying has it, "fortune favours the prepared mind", just as discoveries today that are said to be serendipitous are so often the result of experience and good observation. so then, simple chance must mean i am a very cautious observer. always thinking ahead, planning, making the things of my past become my present and future. however, at most, we never know this to be the case. we rely on the kismet, fate, fortune of life to bring us joy. a surprise not searched for. delicious, serendipitous behavior. somewhat like finding that twenty dollar bill that has hibernated in your coat closet all year, when your gas tank is on empty and the bank account is low. we've all been there at one point or another.

may you take the spare moments of your days and open youself up for the serendipitous moments that are right outside your mind.

random thoughts today from a tired momma............