An Update and some JOY

a pictorial update of sorts and ramblin musings of one tired momma. and it's been since - yes OCTOBER - since i've taken the time to upload photos and because cold medicine gives this momma insomnia. so bear with me. a long, rambly - but CUTE post pictorial!

because every princess on all hallow's eve needs an up-do - Momma makes sure she gets one!
and an up-do turns my sweet girlie into the Princess she was meant to be...holy cute goodness. even her SHOES lit up blue!i somehow squeezed in some time to be crafty...completed some DT Assignments for my LSS... i've been SO neglecting my lovely hobby...
cranked out a few cards. NOT Christmas cards - just some one off cards with scraps. agian - no TIME!

we survived thanksgiving. my mom made it here safely from california and is SLOWLY getting settled in. we've transitioned K to being at home with Nanna full time and that makes for a MUCH happier household. I tried to find some Christmas Spirit - but what i found was another sinus infection, coupled with an ear infection for good company.

and because every Princess REQUESTS a flocked, pink tree with pink lights and pink sparkly ornaments, and sparkyl birds and sparkly butterflies, Momma obliges...(Spends time picking it all out, coordinating the ornaments and such just SO.. spends an HOUR decorating a 4 foot tree in said Princesses room, to find that when Princess goes to bed that very night, to sleep a sweet sleep under her pink sparkly tree- she exclaims to Daddy - "GET THAT THING OUTTA HERE...") Momma obliges HAPPILY because one day, Momma will look back and LAUGH... and know that never a wish went ungranted for a sweet, sweet princess! (ETA: this tree now adorns an antique steamer trunk in my dining area to greet ALL guests who enter. thank GOD they are few and far between... since this tree SCREAMS brothel, complete with feather boa tree skirt! hehehe)

proof we got Nanna settled - we remodeled our 1970's man cave for her! a spare bedroom that had paneling complete with acoustic tile ceiling. CLASS-E! K helped with the painting. oh boy - was she hot stuff! Just LOOK at her mad skillz!!!Then we FINALLY put up our tree. I have yet to take completed pics. but totally plan to. because some day i will complete the december daily i so painstakingly planned for this year. someday. (note to self: learn in 2009 how to take night time photos PROPERLY!)

ad we've been musing on this lil character ALL WEEK! yes i'm THAT neighbor. not normally, but this year it happened. whilst christmas appears to be happenin' on the inside, the ghost of all hallows past is still happenin on the outside. my fall flag is still up on the damn pole, and a 15 pound pumpkin has been overthrown by the squirrel population and i've proof of their destructive behavior! not only did they KNOCK the pumpkin off the step, on to it's side, theyve chewed a hole - and oh that's right, what do you see?yes - they crawl INSIDE... pull goodies out then sit on my deck and spit out seeds, eat, and just make a grand mess! it's quite entertaining and educational for miss K. we are LOVING this in the mornings, as this is when there is the most activity.
so, faithful blog readers. that's it in some pics.

oh and the finding joy part. i find that when i feel well, everything else falls into place. i'm feeling well just in the last 2 days, and somehow, my tree is more beautiful. the christmas music sounds more cheerful. the anticipation of all our little May Family traditions for Christmas are much more exciting. oh and did i mention? pure joy is knowing that as of Friday - i will not have to WORK for 9 entire days! that's is just grand and full of JOY!

expect more updates. it's coming. the holiday spirit has bitten. oh and yeah - 20 bucks bought me thee most gorgeous Holiday dress for one sweet princess...

peace and joy.

December Daily - Day One

So - I must admit - I started off planning aka Ali E style with gusto. I set up a little Christmas Cheer section in the studio - a little corner unit in my office with all of my Christmas stash. Bought new supplies - found some old ones that made me smile. Quite honestly - this little corner just plain made me happy. This was done about the beginning of November... AND to make it all complete, I popped in my favorite vintage kinda nightlight with the bubbly candle thingy with a little Santa hanging off of the side. Oh wait - one more thing.. Apple cinnamon candles. Yes - the spirit was flowing freely. and then? then what you ask?

and then it happened.

somehow - someway - this conversation pops up from time to time. most times easier to digest than others. a few times a year - not so easy to digest. like on my birthday. K's birthday. the entire month of june. then - the holidays. you see - it's a rather simple question - "How old's your Dad?" then - the awkward response - because no matter how you phrase it - the asker of the question really does not know how to answer when you respond with - "My Dad's been gone for 18 years now." eighteen. wow.more than half my life now. and I still remember the day like it was yesterday. the question came up - i casually answered and then fought within telling myself to NOT let it go. keep the cheer present - don't give in to this sadenss that seems to overcome me every year during the holidays.

people telling me as i grieved at 17 - it will get easier. you'll move on. but it doesn't and you don't. eighteen years later - it's not any easier. i just find different ways to deal with it. you see, my Dad died kind of suddenly, though he was ill - it was sudden - and unexpected. and it all happened the day after a horrific fight he had with my oldest brother. and it happened on January 2nd. happy new year for me. starting fresh - i immediately re-live the past.

normally - i try and embrace the holidays and fake my way through it with false sense of cheer and joy. i try and overcompensate for my pure sense of gloom and sadness by going over the top with decorations - Dad would have loved that. I go above and beyond with the baking and the cooking - because Dad would have loved that. Dad would have totally thought I rocked the apple pie - homemade crust and all. he would have DEVOURED my homemade pumpkin pie i made on thanksgiving this year. but this year - it's weird. i can't find it. i can't fake it.

granted - it's only just Dec 1 - there's still time to pull off my act. but for once, dear Lord up above - I hand this over to you - for once? I want to feel the genuine cheer and goodwill of this season. it's not about gifts and commercialization. I want to be in the moments. i want to hear laughter and joy. i want to feel it. I do not want to fake it. let something happen to me that will make me learn and grow as a momma. let me be put in a situation that will humble me. let me learn to move on and hand it over.

so very much has happened in the last couple of weeks - that i am not quite ready to write about yet. but for me - it was pretty tragic. i mean seriously - i know - doom and gloom girl? another tragedy? but yup - this one we didn't see coming. when i find the peace of mind and comfort within my heart - i will write about it. maybe in an hour - maybe a couple of days... but i think once i can put my true feelings to paper about it - my "wish" will be granted.

So - Sweet December - I spent this evening - in an effort to feel joy and just went on a car ride with my husband. Now that gas prices are manageable - we can afford to do that again. it's very senior like of us - but something we've always loved doing. something about the close comfort of our new little Santa Fe, the warm heat - the Christmas tunes playing - just makes me feel a little safer. a little more connected. We are looking for a new house and took a drive out to Constantia... in the country... pitch black countryside - so not a good look at the house - but wanted to get a feel for the area. My how i hope it all works out in the end. everything we are reaching for and working towards. so - i send it out into the open and i hand it over. i am praying for peace of mind. and praying for a real opportunity to know and feel joy this holiday season.

amen to that. keep reading - i'm going to attempt my december daily here... since yeah - umm - doom and gloom kept me from every finishing my december dialy album.

peace blog readers. find your joy in the holiday season, too.