irony

so - i made an appointment for my doc a couple of weeks ago - for something i didn't want to talk about. something i was denying. then - poof - out of the clear blue - i get a whopping case of bronchitis on sunday. i call in sick to work monday. sleep all day. go to the doc yesterday.

problem was, and i was afraid to even say this outloud, i found a lump in my left breast. now - of course - i know it's common. i know we all have them. but you can't tell me for one fucking minute you don't freak out when you hear a doctor say, "wow, yeah - there does seem to be something there. it's about 3cm. well - it's probably nothing, but we need to do a mammogram to check for cancer just to be on the safe side. though - ITS PROBABLY NOTHING. might just be a blocked milk duct."

probably nothing. and he's probably right. but when you have a family. and when you have a daughter. that probably nothing flashes like probably something every 5-10 minutes before my eyes. don't post and tell me it's probably nothing. as i know that. it's probably not. but Jesus. anyone who knows me KNOWS i've had my fair share of health problems in just the last 2.5 months - let alone the last 5 years. i am TRYING SO HARD to take better care of myself. because without me - my family's got nothing, right? so WHY ME? oh and on the up side - i've lost 22 pounds since my doctor saw me last. he couldn't believe the difference!

so anyhow - bare with me as i rant. this is where i come to for it. it's really hard to talk to my husband as my pessimism is HIS biggest pet peeve of me. so i rant. out into the world.

oh and the post title. irony. look at my blog banner. i laugh at it. irony.

peace.