Random Blatherings...Hopped Up on Pain Killers...

So - it's been awhile since I've visited the blog. I miss it. I like to write. Really. My issue? Time. not enough of it. Don't know how to manage it. Don't know how to stay ahead of it. Except this weekend, we've got an extra hour of it. Couple that with sleeping pills and some good pain killers... I feel like I've got loads of time. I feel like this is the longest 4 days of my life.

I had sinus surgery on Thursday. It will hopefully be the start to better health for me and an end to asthma. I want to get well and feel healthy... more than you know, sweet blog readers. This is an outpatient gig, with little recovery time, I thought. I had this done once before. I remembered very little, which told me recovery was easy and only a couple of days. Well - this time around, surgery was about 3 hours long. I was "pickled" with polyps and had a pretty good sized cyst in one cheek. I overheard the nurses saying my heart rate "freaked out" while coming out of anesthesia and they gave me some meds to bring it down. They kept me in recovery for about 2.5 hours. had me on oxygen the whole time. That tells me I had a bit of a rougher time coming "out of it" than normal. (I'm a pro at surgery - this is my 6th in 6 years.)

The pain was in control Thursday and Friday - and Saturday I think it all caught up with me. I was in and out of sleep and took lots of pills. The pain is like no other and can only be described as a horrific sinus headache coupled with the sensation that your teeth might fall out at any moment. Add in a good dose of vertigo, nausea, and you're all set for a party. I think I am passt the worst of it. I took today off from work as well, not listening to the Doc who said I needed to take the entire week off. I really should.... I've had WAY to much time to think and put things in perspective in the last 4 days.

So - this brings me to my next soapbox. The holidays. I have a REALLY tough time with them every year. I fake it most years by throwing myself into decorating and crafts. Decorations that no one ever sees, because I don't invite my family over. My father died 19 years ago this January. This simple fact makes it very difficult for me to embrace the holidays and BE PRESENT in the moments and ENJOY them. This year? I really am going to commit to myself to make it different. I think in order for me to do so, it will involve preparation and some organization. Making lists and sticking to them. Kennedy is finally at an age where she can really get involved. She will remember some small traditions we've started and she will really want to be a part of things... the decorating, baking, etcetera. She LOVES IT. So I'm thinking of doing the following beginning today:

• blogging everyday - keeping it real - sharing.
• Sweets on Thursdays - just one night a week for she and I to get messy and bake. I figure this will give us a chance to try new recipes and something to look forward to each week for both of us.
• Muffin Tin Mondays - an idea i read on a blog that i just adore that would make one night of meal planning fun
• December Daily Album - i am already planning much of this in my head and will gather everything by the end of this weekend - and getting Kennedy involved in this as much as possible
• Planning Activities - like the Polar Express Train Ride in Utica, going to see Christmas Movies, Ice Skating downtown... taking it ALL in!
• ENJOYING the little things. Sad - but we have to remind ourselves to do this...
• working on my blog. Where/how can i create a fun background, title, etcetera? I am NOT tech savvy when it comes to digital elements.. so any tips or direction would be greatly appreciated!!! I need a fresh start!

So that's my random rant for today. It's a start. Excuse the randomness... pain killers are still cycling through my body and they feel goooood.

Happy November....it's only going to get better from here. Because I said so.