on being selfish.

when you become a parent, all thoughts and opinions of what you'd like to do on a friday night go out the window, because for a window in time, it no longer matters.

when you become a parent, you develop a voracious appetite to defend anyone who dares judge your skill to raise your child.

when you become a parent, you do your best not to judge others, because inside, you die a little everyday, wondering if what you did today as a parent is enough.

when you become a parent, behaviors and bad habits of your past should never resurface. ever.

when you become a parent, you fight, every single day to always do the right thing in the eyes of your child. and you screw up. every. single. day.

the nice thing about becoming a parent? you get to become a parent all over again every single day when you wake up.

I've just started following Mark and Angel Hack Life (Thanks Katrina - can always count on you for the words when I need it most!) and this post severely resonated with me:

"You only get one life to pursue the dreams that make you come alive. It is better to be failing (and learning) at doing something you love, rather than succeeding at doing something you hate. So take chances on behalf of what you believe ...

in. Fail until you succeed. Make sacrifices and step out beyond the safety of your comfort zone over and over again. Face your fears with courage and passion. Keep your word and hold true to your vision until it comes to life." – via 8 Reasons to Stop Waiting for Approval.  

wow. reason # 2 pretty much summed it up. ron and i are on yet another journey. we moved to bend for many reasons 17 months ago. we wrestled with the idea of coming here for two years. after the first year, we knew in our hearts, it was the right thing to do, and we spent 12 months making it happen. we knew uprooting our daughter would be tough, but at the time, she was 5. Resilient. Brave. and Strong. all of those words suit her to the core. we knew she would come through the move just fine.

and she did. when you become a parent, you know when you know. we knew we made the right decision. kennedy has thrived here. she has made friends. she has grown. she has flourished beyond our wildest imaginations. she has opened our eyes and made us slow down. we slowed down enough to learn she has a little "glitch" (Thanks Wreck It Ralph and Vanellope for the reference!) and we got ourselves educated beyond belief. tourette's and tics are now part of our normal vocabulary.

and it is ok.

what we didn't know when we moved here, was that a my family's business that employed ron from home, would fold and go under 2 months after we got here leaving him unemployed. you can't plan around that. he was out of work for 6 months. the unemployment rate here is unfathomable. he took a job in a new industry because he needed to support his family. not because he was challenged, promised growth and opportunity, or even excited to go to work everyday - because this job had him on the road in the beginning each and every week.

he spent the entire spring, summer, and fall gone. only home on weekends. detached from his family. away from his girls. alone. and this rocked him to the core. there were tears from us. there was distance. there were walls put up. there was anger. sadness. loneliness. longing. hatred for this job from me. i did not sign up for this lifestyle. and i became resentful. and then learned life lessons, that even in moments like this, you have to be thankful to have a husband who works so hard and selflessly to provide.

the walls came down. and we began to think how we could change our circumstance. kennedy was suffering with her daddy gone. her tics were increasing. her anxiety worsening. and none of this was ok. i began to pray. and a job offer came.

when you become a parent, you consider everyone - but first and foremost your child. the opportunities that would come to this family with this new job far outweighed the opportunities that simply the gorgeous landscape in bend can offer. ron took the offer and we were going to relocate. we considered not only the financial implications - stop. we considered the child. the school district had more to offer. she would have grandparents nearby. an uncle, an aunt, another cousin.

i have spent my entire life being called words such as stupid, irresponsible, selfish, thoughtless, careless, and ignorant by my oldest brother.

when you become a parent, you teach your children these things are not ok. and you teach your children that families do things as a whole. and that we don't need approval from others to do what is right for us.

when you become a parent, it is often easier to teach these lessons than it is to live through them as an adult.

we are doing what is right for us. we are continuing to secure our roots in bend. ron is unemployed right now. and it is okay. and i feel it in my heart and i am at peace that it is right and good. we are home. and always have been. no amount of money will change our situation. we have to be right in our hearts and in our minds. the signs are everywhere that THIS is where we are supposed to be.

i celebrate 10 years with ADP at the turn of the new year. there is new opportunity on the horizon for us. so i have a stay at home dad. can life get any sweeter? i don't think so. jealous much? life is good. and i just tell my honey to hold on to me as we go....

HOME - Phillip Phillips

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home