the ladybugs visit & suicide

and while normally, one would be grossed out by bugs in the house - no one ever is with ladybugs. they are supposed to be good luck. they are cute. i was intrigued by them. they came for a visit. to my studio. they hung out above my head, all night, while i created stuff into the wee hours of the morning. they would move, crawl around, but always managed to end up right back above my head. felt as though they were lookin down to see what i was making. i felt inspired. yup. by two lil bug-a-boos. today, when i walked back into said studio? ladybug suicide.

that about summed up my day.

the last several weeks have been rough. personally, professionally, creatively. i finally realized it was up to me to make it shift. i'm the only one in control. i'm the only one who can fix what's "off" within. so i did. i reclaimed my tuesdays. you see, the husbands have golf league, or a bowling league, or in another week, i'm told... football season starts. god help me. so i took tuesdays. it's my night. it's my bowling league if you will. i did this for about a year solid, and i would often find myself in a class of some kind, at barnes and noble sippin a mocha, readin some mags, wandering aisles of target while things leapt off the shelves into my cart - who cares? was MY TIME! i did things that made me happy. simple things. really simple. so i took it back. last night.

and i had visitors. the ladybugs. and it was grand. we drank chai tea, we shut my studio door, and we created. i had the best evening. i made one layout and started an altered printer tray from 7Gypsies. scrappingoodness, i tell ya! i have been sper, duper inspired by some lovely women at scrapgal . such an awesome group... that's really where the mojo started... but i over-did it. i stayed up too late. and today was rough. ladybug suicide and all.

kennedy woke up in a mood of sorts which caused me to take away a "lovie".. you'd think i cut off her right arm and fed it to her for breakfast. she cried, she screamed, she wailed, she kicked, she convulsed, and it all ended with her hyperventilating. all over a damn stuffed bear. Pink Bear - her sister - she tells me. she broke down, we made up, i calmed her down. the child is just out of sorts. and so we go. ladybug suicide.

i just am happy this day is over. thankful i get to do it all over again tomorrow. i have to have a ct scan tomorrow morning... say some prayers for me. i am grateful i have insurance to cover these kinds of things, grateful to have a job. blessed to be stressed. but i will be even happier if tomorrow, there are no ladybug suicides.

peace. be good.


Amy Harle said...

Hey girly - whenever I feel like things are spiraling out of control and the like I usually say "Only you can prevent forest fires"...get it? Just like you said...you can keep it under control :) Hang in there momma...looking forward to seeing you on Saturday. Woot!!

Gina said...

I think Tuesday nights to yourself are probably the best thing you could have done. Everyone needs a little "for me" time. It makes it much easier to cope in the trying times when you've had that break.

Sending lots of good thoughts your way.

ellen s. said...

we get lady bugs like mad and the stink very badly when they are dying..so gross. i agree that they are not so cute anymore for me, LOL!

hope things get a bit better for you!

Melonie said...

Glad you reclaimed your Tuesdays. Hope all is ok with you. (((HUGS)))) Mama:)