"I'm like costco - I'm big, I ain't fancy, and I DARE you not to like me!"

today? i found it. it left my side many many months ago. it broke up with me on a post it note, as Carrie said. A post it note, in the form of prescription. after perscription. after perscription. my ENERGY broke up with me. when he left, it was one infection after another. a diagnosis of asthma. introduce a nebulizer. and more meds. waking up each day feeling like i could not go on. this is honestly how i've lived day in and day out. i'd wake up sick. feeling old. achy. nausceous. sore. NO ENERGY. chest pains. racing heart. congestion so bad in my head, it caused my eyes and forehead to swell. my cheeks puffed and swelled from all of the steroids. i gained weight. i gained a TON of weight. i hurt. mentally. physically. emotionally.

well... looky here - i've lost a load of weight - 29 pounds to be exact... and wait for it.. wait for it... i found it! PRAISE JESUS! it's back! i have ENERGY. i have motivation. i have a desire to do things. to move. to play. i think the energy let itself in the back door, snuck up to my room while i was sleeping, and eased himself right back into me through my newly cleared airways. i honestly feel like i have a new lease on life.

i spent many months, mentally making myself actually go a tad bit crazy. all the things that were going wrong with my body? when i said them outloud, i seriously thought to myself.. people must think i make this shit up. i honestly couldn't make this shit up. that i want attention. i really don't. i like to lie on the downlow these days. so - i put this out there - into my sweet universe. if you know someone that has severe sinus problems... just understand. ask what you can do to help. until you lived with it so severe, that the doc tells you "the surgery was a rough one. i've never seen "matter" calcified to the insides of passages like yours"... don't slough off that person's complaints and malaise for a cold. and for God's sake and all things living, don't offer them a damn cough drop when they say they don't feel good.

i feel like shoutin off the rooftops... "Shelley's got her groove back...." but i'll wait a few days. i need a taller ladder and some warmer clothes.

look for more blog entries and inspiration in the future. and stay tuned for some pics, as i've got my studio cleaned up, my christmas inspiration corner in check, and i dare you not to listen to Christmas music every day, all day, from now till the glow of rudolph's nose leaves your neighborhood.



10 unfinished things hanging over my head

so i googled... "daily blog prompts" and this was the first title that came up. funny.. because unfinished business is VERY heavy on my mind right now. so in a way of putting it out into the universe, so shall it be. below are 10 things unfinished hanging over my head... that i really want to put behind me:

  • my office. it's not a pretty place. and it once was. and should be. is full of inspiration, but void of any motivation. need to declutter and regroup.
  • organizing scrap embellishments. was done once. then a crop came. got all tore up again. needs to be finished again. won't take much time.
  • a place/folder/spot for all of school's comings and goings. i'm the mom that never knows what's going on at school. this is NOT good. (why is it none of the moms there talk to me, 'cept Missy of course. hmmm)
  • decorate bedroom. this has never been done. not once since i moved in with ron - gasp - almost 10 years ago. i've spent the last 6 nights alone in here, kinda like it that way. it needs to be a beautiful place.
  • unfinished conversation with husband. many things need to be discussed. and i need to get on with it.
  • unpacking from trips. i never seem to get this done and looking at my suitcase daily makes me want to run away.
  • my book i'm reading. it's good, just not making the time to finish it.
  • goals for my new position with work. it's been almost one year, and i've still not decided on goals. moving out of the "reactive" mode and moving into my favorite "proactive" mode.
  • Kennedy's room... it's taken on a life of it's own. time to reel it back in.
  • scrapping. reclaim this time in my life. i've not done it really since april. that;s disgusting. honestly disgusting. i need this. it makes me sane.

sounds like a lot? but really? when i read it? if i want any of it badly enough, i can make it happen in a weekend. if i start to feel better, this weekend might just be it!!!! now, off to sleepy land.


Random Blatherings...Hopped Up on Pain Killers...

So - it's been awhile since I've visited the blog. I miss it. I like to write. Really. My issue? Time. not enough of it. Don't know how to manage it. Don't know how to stay ahead of it. Except this weekend, we've got an extra hour of it. Couple that with sleeping pills and some good pain killers... I feel like I've got loads of time. I feel like this is the longest 4 days of my life.

I had sinus surgery on Thursday. It will hopefully be the start to better health for me and an end to asthma. I want to get well and feel healthy... more than you know, sweet blog readers. This is an outpatient gig, with little recovery time, I thought. I had this done once before. I remembered very little, which told me recovery was easy and only a couple of days. Well - this time around, surgery was about 3 hours long. I was "pickled" with polyps and had a pretty good sized cyst in one cheek. I overheard the nurses saying my heart rate "freaked out" while coming out of anesthesia and they gave me some meds to bring it down. They kept me in recovery for about 2.5 hours. had me on oxygen the whole time. That tells me I had a bit of a rougher time coming "out of it" than normal. (I'm a pro at surgery - this is my 6th in 6 years.)

The pain was in control Thursday and Friday - and Saturday I think it all caught up with me. I was in and out of sleep and took lots of pills. The pain is like no other and can only be described as a horrific sinus headache coupled with the sensation that your teeth might fall out at any moment. Add in a good dose of vertigo, nausea, and you're all set for a party. I think I am passt the worst of it. I took today off from work as well, not listening to the Doc who said I needed to take the entire week off. I really should.... I've had WAY to much time to think and put things in perspective in the last 4 days.

So - this brings me to my next soapbox. The holidays. I have a REALLY tough time with them every year. I fake it most years by throwing myself into decorating and crafts. Decorations that no one ever sees, because I don't invite my family over. My father died 19 years ago this January. This simple fact makes it very difficult for me to embrace the holidays and BE PRESENT in the moments and ENJOY them. This year? I really am going to commit to myself to make it different. I think in order for me to do so, it will involve preparation and some organization. Making lists and sticking to them. Kennedy is finally at an age where she can really get involved. She will remember some small traditions we've started and she will really want to be a part of things... the decorating, baking, etcetera. She LOVES IT. So I'm thinking of doing the following beginning today:
  • blogging everyday - keeping it real - sharing.
  • Sweets on Thursdays - just one night a week for she and I to get messy and bake. I figure this will give us a chance to try new recipes and something to look forward to each week for both of us.
  • Muffin Tin Mondays - an idea i read on a blog that i just adore that would make one night of meal planning fun
  • December Daily Album - i am already planning much of this in my head and will gather everything by the end of this weekend - and getting Kennedy involved in this as much as possible
  • Planning Activities - like the Polar Express Train Ride in Utica, going to see Christmas Movies, Ice Skating downtown... taking it ALL in!
  • ENJOYING the little things. Sad - but we have to remind ourselves to do this...
  • working on my blog. Where/how can i create a fun background, title, etcetera? I am NOT tech savvy when it comes to digital elements.. so any tips or direction would be greatly appreciated!!! I need a fresh start!

So that's my random rant for today. It's a start. Excuse the randomness... pain killers are still cycling through my body and they feel goooood.

Happy November....it's only going to get better from here. Because I said so.