Dear Kennedy, Monday.

Dear Kennedy,

IT WORKED! My letter into the sweet universe - WORKED. Well - for one day anyhow. I can't tell you what a PROUD momma I am of you today. Last night, before you fought bedtime, you said... "hey mom. i have an idea. how 'bout i sleep with no pull up tonight and maybe not wet my bed?" I explained to you that I felt this was a fabulous idea, and that you needed to sleep under the covers for a change. (weird issue with not sleeping under ANYTHING but haggard old blankie even when it's 15 below outside) I explained how you had a new mattress, with a new mattress pad, and that if you had an accident - which is OKAY - that we'd only need to change said sheet and mattress pad. You didn't agree. You opted for a pull up. This is still completely okay.

This morning, I woke up extra early, showered, got ready for the day and even got my own breakfast out of the way. By 7, you still were not awake. I went up to get you and you woke up like a new girlie! You were happy, eager to start the day. We came downstairs, changed the pull up - to find... YOU WERE DRY!!!! Completely DRY! I was SO excited. You had a completely, 100% problem free morning. You were excited to go to school, we left early so I could fill up with gas, squeeze in a car wash and we stopped at D&D.

After I dropped you off, Dad called to check in. Because I was out like a light thanks to my Ambien fix last night, Daddy informed me that he heard you up at midnight, you went potty by yourself and got right back in bed like a big girl. I say WAY TO GO LIL MOMMA! You're finally getting it! I was so excited with this progress, we stopped for milkshakes on the way home from school. You were STILL in such good spirits... I relished in it. This makes for a MUCH better day for momma too.

Nanna informed me after I "got home" from work you were an angel allll day!!!! Due to the annoying workers in our yard installing FIOS in the neighborhood (a whole other post for a WHOLE other day), we opted to go out to dinner. Your choice. Once again - you were angelic. Eating and behaving like a "little lady". Today - you make momma proud. I know tomorrow may bring out the other side, but for now, I celebrate you. (well - i celebrate you EACH and every day) I love you. I am amazed by you. I bask in your beauty and am in awe. Keep it up big girl.


(and ps... thanks for asking why momma is so sick. I wish we knew girlie. I REALLY wish we knew. maybe us putting THAT out into the universe will help. And girlie... I sure hope that I am better by Halloween, too. trust me.)


Dear Kennedy

Dear Kennedy,

Tonight, you told Daddy that "I can't deal with Shelley right now. I've had it with her." At first thought, I really wanted to laugh. Inside, I began to cry hysterically. These last several months with you have been less than easy. You have become mean, almost downright hateful on some occasions. I question myself and my ability to parent, because the actions you portray, you really do not see at home. Though Daddy and I have difficult times, we don't fight, call names, hit, or say hateful things to one another. I battle my brain to find where you get this from. You get so frustrated so very easily over what seem like simple tasks. You hit. You throw things. You yell. You stomp. You growl. You slam doors. We, as your parents, don't do any of these things. Often times, you bustle in to my room before the sun has greeted me making unreasonable demands of me before I've even opened my eyes. When I sweetly tell you no and ask you to come snuggle with me for a bit, you scream, yell, and storm off and slam my door. My patience is very slim with this sort of behavior. I feel on edge most days, when you wake up in this manner. I shake, I lose my appetite, I cry. Almost every, single day. And no one see this either.

I want so much in this world for you, and will give my all to see that you get it. I want for you to learn grace under pressure and patience. I want for you to be kind and selfless. Sweet and compassionate. Giving. Helpful. Inspirational. I want you to know and love the simple things out of your life. I want you to learn what a sweet feeling it is to wake up to a sweet snuggle and hug and know that it really IS ALL Momma needs to start her day on the right foot. I want you to be happy. Simply happy. Because I truly believe once you have that, everything else falls into place.

I promise you I will always endure these sorts of periods in your life. Endless love. It's what it's all about. As you've already learned, we still love you even when you're naughty. We just don't like the behavior. I am putting this out into the universe, because then it will be off my mind. I want so much for you to grow past whatever this is you are currently going through. I want you to let go of all that makes you angry right now and just slow down and enjoy being four. Enjoy school, your new friends. You are so very smart and advanced for your sweet, tender age, that I really think at times, it fuels your frustration. You have so many things going through your mind at such a fast pace, I think it frustrates you that you can't break it all down so simply.

I want you to know that no, you CANNOT call me Shelley at any time under any circumstances, but I will always answer to Momma, Mommy, Mom or Ma. I am here for you. I will teach you by example and we will grow through this together. But I just want you to know, it doesn't mean I have to like your behavior right now. Not. One. Single. Bit.

I love you.