Tonight, you told Daddy that "I can't deal with Shelley right now. I've had it with her." At first thought, I really wanted to laugh. Inside, I began to cry hysterically. These last several months with you have been less than easy. You have become mean, almost downright hateful on some occasions. I question myself and my ability to parent, because the actions you portray, you really do not see at home. Though Daddy and I have difficult times, we don't fight, call names, hit, or say hateful things to one another. I battle my brain to find where you get this from. You get so frustrated so very easily over what seem like simple tasks. You hit. You throw things. You yell. You stomp. You growl. You slam doors. We, as your parents, don't do any of these things. Often times, you bustle in to my room before the sun has greeted me making unreasonable demands of me before I've even opened my eyes. When I sweetly tell you no and ask you to come snuggle with me for a bit, you scream, yell, and storm off and slam my door. My patience is very slim with this sort of behavior. I feel on edge most days, when you wake up in this manner. I shake, I lose my appetite, I cry. Almost every, single day. And no one see this either.
I want so much in this world for you, and will give my all to see that you get it. I want for you to learn grace under pressure and patience. I want for you to be kind and selfless. Sweet and compassionate. Giving. Helpful. Inspirational. I want you to know and love the simple things out of your life. I want you to learn what a sweet feeling it is to wake up to a sweet snuggle and hug and know that it really IS ALL Momma needs to start her day on the right foot. I want you to be happy. Simply happy. Because I truly believe once you have that, everything else falls into place.
I promise you I will always endure these sorts of periods in your life. Endless love. It's what it's all about. As you've already learned, we still love you even when you're naughty. We just don't like the behavior. I am putting this out into the universe, because then it will be off my mind. I want so much for you to grow past whatever this is you are currently going through. I want you to let go of all that makes you angry right now and just slow down and enjoy being four. Enjoy school, your new friends. You are so very smart and advanced for your sweet, tender age, that I really think at times, it fuels your frustration. You have so many things going through your mind at such a fast pace, I think it frustrates you that you can't break it all down so simply.
I want you to know that no, you CANNOT call me Shelley at any time under any circumstances, but I will always answer to Momma, Mommy, Mom or Ma. I am here for you. I will teach you by example and we will grow through this together. But I just want you to know, it doesn't mean I have to like your behavior right now. Not. One. Single. Bit.
I love you.