today? i found it. it left my side many many months ago. it broke up with me on a post it note, as Carrie said. A post it note, in the form of prescription. after perscription. after perscription. my ENERGY broke up with me. when he left, it was one infection after another. a diagnosis of asthma. introduce a nebulizer. and more meds. waking up each day feeling like i could not go on. this is honestly how i've lived day in and day out. i'd wake up sick. feeling old. achy. nausceous. sore. NO ENERGY. chest pains. racing heart. congestion so bad in my head, it caused my eyes and forehead to swell. my cheeks puffed and swelled from all of the steroids. i gained weight. i gained a TON of weight. i hurt. mentally. physically. emotionally.
well... looky here - i've lost a load of weight - 29 pounds to be exact... and wait for it.. wait for it... i found it! PRAISE JESUS! it's back! i have ENERGY. i have motivation. i have a desire to do things. to move. to play. i think the energy let itself in the back door, snuck up to my room while i was sleeping, and eased himself right back into me through my newly cleared airways. i honestly feel like i have a new lease on life.
i spent many months, mentally making myself actually go a tad bit crazy. all the things that were going wrong with my body? when i said them outloud, i seriously thought to myself.. people must think i make this shit up. i honestly couldn't make this shit up. that i want attention. i really don't. i like to lie on the downlow these days. so - i put this out there - into my sweet universe. if you know someone that has severe sinus problems... just understand. ask what you can do to help. until you lived with it so severe, that the doc tells you "the surgery was a rough one. i've never seen "matter" calcified to the insides of passages like yours"... don't slough off that person's complaints and malaise for a cold. and for God's sake and all things living, don't offer them a damn cough drop when they say they don't feel good.
i feel like shoutin off the rooftops... "Shelley's got her groove back...." but i'll wait a few days. i need a taller ladder and some warmer clothes.
look for more blog entries and inspiration in the future. and stay tuned for some pics, as i've got my studio cleaned up, my christmas inspiration corner in check, and i dare you not to listen to Christmas music every day, all day, from now till the glow of rudolph's nose leaves your neighborhood.