1.11.2010

dinner anxiety fading. it's a wrap people.



so tonight was dinner planned night #3. wow. amazing as i went through my day today, i had little stress or anxiety over how the day was going to end. what a relief! AND - it was a stressful day - work wise. though i honestly would not have it any other way - as i constantly remind myself - i am blessed to be stressed!



i digress... tonight, i planned chicken wraps. monday nights are bowling nights for dh, so i like to try things i know he wouldn't care for. he leaves right about the time i get done with work, so it makes sense. the wraps were easy, simple, and healthy - all things considered. these wraps were quick, simple, and tasted down right delish. they were lacking a lil something, my mom and i decided next time, i would add some dried cranberries and a touch more seasonings... i paired mine with a spinach, pesto, olive wrap, but could also go with plain flour wraps.

CHICKEN WRAPS from "Delicious Suppers" (recipe serves 4)
  • 2/3 C plain yogurt
  • 1 tbsp wholegrain mustard
  • pepper
  • 10oz cooked skinless, boneless chicken breast, diced
  • 5 oz iceberg lettuce, shredded
  • 3 oz cucumber, thinly sliced
  • 2 celery stalks, sliced
  • 1/2 C black seedless grapes, halved
  • flour tortillas of your choice (or yummy flavored ones!)

Combine yogurt and mustard in a bowl and season to taste with pepper. Stir in the chicken and toss until coated. Put the lettuce, cukes, celery and grapes into another bowl and mix well. Fill tortillas, and wrap it up - and the best part? ENJOY!

I have to tell ya - i am really, really enjoying this journey. three days of stress free evenings thanks to have a plan and sticking to it. i am really looking forward to growing in this area of my life. i know it sounds really simple - but this? THIS is a huge change for me. a big shift in the right direction. i've had anxiety over grocery shopping for almost 5 years now. meaning, i pull into the parking lot, my heart starts racing, and i have to do an internal pep talk to make myself face my fear and go INTO the grocery store. you see, i'd get very anxious and uptight in the grocery store. people leaving their carts in the way? BIG issue for me. big shift in a BAD direction for me.

i'm not quite sure how that developed, but i am fairly certain it came up some time during the period when i "hit bottom" as i like to call it with grave's disease. i developed short term (temporary) memory loss. i had to write down everything. simple things, such as, go to gas station. check. get GAS. check. go to store. check. take list. check. shop for items on list. check. one thing i didn't realize would happen, was that while in the store, once i remembered why i was there and what i was to do, was that i'd soon forget where my car was parked. so developed this huge anxiety over grocery shopping... due to one trip. one experience, that somehow, changed me for good. right before i had surgery, i went to the store to stock up on all the things i knew we would need while i was recovering for 8 weeks. i had hit bottom, my resting heart rate was 150 bpm, i was no longer sleeping, i couldn't keep food in my system, and here i was, at the grocery store.i barely got what i needed, left, and the minute i stepped outside, i realized... i could not remember where i parked. could not even recollect for a minute which row i went down. which side the car was on. forget it. and i started racing. my heart was pounding. i was going up and down every aisle, and i must have looked very frantic, as some sweet older man stopped to ask me if i was okay. i began bawling.. sobbing. telling him my life story, as he took the keys out of my hand, hit the panic button on the key fob, pushed my cart and said "follow me. i hear your car." this scared the shit out of me, and for weeks after, i was petrified to leave the house alone. thankful for the kindness of strangers.

bet you didn't expect all that and a bag of chips. but this is how my mind works. i hate the grocery store. it causes me anxiety. i don't plan for the trip. i always, ALWAYS forget LOADS of things i need for meals. i never take a list. i never plan. therefore, dinner is chaotic for me. and a scramble. but this simple shift in the right direction? good things. good friggin things. and it is... that's right people say it with me.. it IS OK.

peace.

5 comments:

Gina said...

((shell)) I'd be scared to shop, too, after a time like that! You're doing GREAT!! The wraps sound great and I {heart} your photo. I'm so laughing at your DH's "things rolling around in your head". Men. Keep up the good work. And don't worry when some weeks you just can't plan for even 5 meals. Just keep trying...it will stick and you will be so glad you stuck with it.

Anonymous said...

you are doing AWESOME! So proud of you! Never knew about this fear of yours, but look at how you've grown by facing this fear! One more suggestion, buy something to have as a backup. For me it was ingrediants for tuna noodle casserole or creamed tuna on toast. Then if you don't feel up to cooking a lot- you have a comfort food on hand. Another is a jar of spaghetti sauce and pasta! It's always on hand in my pantry! You are rockin this challenge and you'll be soooo happy when this becomes a habit! You are inspiring me to go through some of my cookbooks and devise new menus! BonBon

Lori said...

Thanks Shell for inspiring me! You are doing a great job and I enjoy reading the blog about it!

Melonie said...

So glad to see you back! I've gotta tell ya, I started planning meals and dare I say it, clipping coupons a few months back and it is so nice to go shopping one night a week, get everything we need and be stress free.

Gia Cobbis said...

Hello! Just blogspotting. Great blog! I bookmarked it.

Happy blogging! :)

 
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