8.15.2007

VALIDATION

such a strong word if you really delve deep into the meaning of it. why is it, so few people in your life are capable of validating? it should be a skill taught to our youth. a common courtesy - like saying please or thank you.

one of my very dear and loved friends talked to me about this last night. and he was so spot on. this little blurb from wikipedia really hits it on the head:

"In psychology and human communication, validation is the reciprocated communication of respect which communicates that the other's opinions are acknowledged, respected, heard, and (regardless whether or not the listener actually agrees with the content), they are being treated with genuine respect as a legitimate expression of their feelings, rather than marginalized or dismissed."

this reminded me of a theory I once realized in my dark and gloomy twenties - there are people that talk. there are people that listen. there are people that simply wait to talk. you don't ever want to be that person. the person that waits to talk is so self involved they don't have the time or right to listen to you talk. a perfect combination is the person that can listen, validate, and talk. point blank. that is who you want you "person" to be.

i'm pretty fortunate. i've got a few "persons". they get me. they VALIDATE ME. one of those "persons" was in my life as a teen and has recently come back into my life. it's like a breath of fresh air. a renewed sense of self. to know - wow - someone else on this planet really gets me.

so go ahead with your day. but take this with you - the next time you are having a conversation - are you simply waiting to talk? thinking of the next thing to say? or are you there, in the moment, listening, giving your conversation partner validation - respect. now that you've thought about this - you will always be conscious of it with each conversation you have.

happy humpday. now go forth and validate.

9 comments:

ellen said...

what did you say, i was thinking of my post? LMBO! sorry...i couldn't resist...

i like coming here and hearing what you have to say, girl...pretty powerful things...i can't believe you wrote this now, a friend of mine wants to be back in my life but it was the opposite..a one sided friendship that is what you are talking about...except i spent all my time validating to her that her life was great.

just don't know if i want to go there again even if things might be diff.

tks for letting me vent and posting the truth

ellen said...

you are lucky to have people like that in your life, cherish that always...

Gigi said...

Your posts always leave me thinking and I love that! Thanks Shelley!

Holly Terra said...

I get you.
;)

Thanks for getting me too and being such a huge support.

My fan club wouldn't be there without you.

Love you tons,
H

Holly Terra said...

I get you.
;)

Thanks for getting me too and being such a huge support.

My fan club wouldn't be there without you.

Love you tons,
H

Anonymous said...

That "listening" is one of the things they try to teach us in Cognitive coaching - being there in the moment with the person talking, being non judgemental, not thinking if what you are going to reply or ask a question...can't be thinking of the question you want to ask, this is soooo hard - but soooo important! The ideal is just to take the time to have a thoughtful conversation. I try, but I don't always succeed. I need to make a conscious effort all the time! I am not always conscious though.....LOL
and Ellen - LMBO with your first comment!

Good thoughts Shelley!
Bon Bon

Holly said...

Hey Shelley...
I'm glad you found my blog and that you like. :0) I've read through several of your posts, and I enjoy yours too. Best of luck to you on the MMM contest. I know I didn't get a call...hope you did!

Melonie said...

Powerful stuff Shelley and oh so true. Thanks for making me think.

bsgirl said...

Girl...YOU ROCK!! Point blank, end of story, you unequivically ROCK!! You speak so clearly & to parts of me I'm scared to go to!! Keep up the wornderful blogs.

 
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