12.28.2007

change.

this year is finally coming to an end and it's been a tough one. as typical in this household. but - it has been a year of growth - both physically and emotionally. it has been a year of change. i've become stronger in some ways, weaker in others. i've become cold. not by accident, but by choice. i have had to shut people out. in doing so - i have learned to find my own happiness. i've learned to find what works for MY family.. meaning the 3 of us. that's growth. and that's HUGE for me. i've learned to walk away. but the only thing i haven't learned and don't think i ever will - is why all of that change that has been good for me - hurts so darn bad?

i've made some new "friends" and lost them just as quickly. it's all a matter of learning where to fit in and going with your gut instinct and just not trying so hard. i've never tried to fit in until i became an adult... and i've quickly learned - it's quite stupid to try. if you can't be accepted for face value - then those folks aren't worthy of your friendship to begin with. i've learned - it's ok to be alone sometimes. my best friend is really all i will ever need - even though she is 1000 miles away - it's ok. she's here - everyday - no matter what is in my bank account - no matter how i look - she knows all my secrets and loves me just the same. endlessly.

i'm looking forward to this year with a fervor. i will be my scary age for this decade come may...35.. and it scares me but i have to admit, i'm a little excited for it too. excited for a year (hopefully) of no hospital stays, no surgeries, no major illness discovered. it's been a long 5 years in that department and i'm SO ready for it to be done.

i am meeting with a weight loss doctor on the 3rd. i've never had "issues" with weight. never been a "dieter"... but in the last 12 months - my weight has REALLY become an issue. i know i can control it and lose it. i just have finally realized i can't do it alone or unsupervised. it's beginning to cause some health problems and that is NOT a matter to be taken lightly. i know medication has a BIG affect on it all - but i am to blame as well for living a sedentary lifestyle. it ends this year.

i think there will be several big changes on the horizon for me. perhaps a new job? perhaps a comfortable, stress free financial future? all things are 100% in my own hands. i have to make it all happen. so - join me on the journey and see what's to come in the future. i'm REAL tired of going back through my journal entries and reading the saddening, bitter rants i'm so accustomed to. it's time for change.

so come on 2008 - come into my world.. it's gonna rock here.

6 comments:

Melonie said...

Oh Shelley everything you type rings so true for me. I am going to join you on the weight loss journey and even though we may not "see" each others progress, please know that I am here always and rooting for you. So glad to see you posting. I know that it has been a tough time for you. (((HUGS)))) and Cheers to a new year filled with hope. BTW you are on my list of people to meet in 2008!

Gigi said...

I wish you a wonderful 2008, filled with all the things that make your heart sing! Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Bon Bon says ...with this mindset you will become all you are capable of being. 35 is very freeing.....it was for me. I grew up alot at 35. Losing weight because of health issues is always good. Don't let your family...brothers get you down ...or false friends either. Stick with the foks who make you feel good, who are honest with you and accept you for the wonderful person you are. You don't need to change the inside Shelley. Just let go and be you.

I'll be rooting for you and maybe we can walk to lose some weight together.
Bon

Tricia said...

Shelley, I could have sworn you weren't a day over 21!! I think we've both had a rough year, I just haven't shared mine with anyone. Keep your head held high because you are STRONG and BEAUTIFUL and you will conquer anything you try! I miss being with you and some of the NY girls, but life has just been crazy. HAPPY NEW YEAR from my family to yours! HUGS!

Lisa said...

Shelley... You are such an inspiration.. You know I'm here for what ever support you need as we are on the same road together. Good luck tomorrow and keep me posted :)
Hugs,
Lisa

Amy Mowbray said...

I hope you have an awesome 2008! How did your appointment go?

 
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