we recently underwent some troubled, trying times as new parents. a fluke of the flu with our girl, led us into a tailspin of tests and doctor visits, and more tests in the future. i don't quite know how i was able to stay so positive throughout the whole thing, and battle the flu myself, and still come out on top. i mean, our children are supposed to be perfect, right? perfect. no deformities, no anomolies... a word i have SO grown to hate. i have been angry. i have questioned God. i have questioned the goodness of people. and then it happened. that whole pay it forward concept.
you see, i reached out. to strangers. not something i normally do. but it's these group of "strangers" that have felt more like friends to me than many tangible friends have ever felt. i belong in the scrapping community. it's just where i am meant to be. it's a world free from judgement and full of praise. praise for being creative, for being honest, for offering advice. praise for just being you. i reached out and it was given back. i received phone calls, emails, posts when i went MIA for a few days. even a client of mine reached out to me, as she hadn't heard from me in a few days. unbelievable. pure goodness. like my blog page.. scrappin goodness.
i've questioned God for most of my life. simply because so many good things have been taken from me way too early. before i was ready. before those taken.. were ready. i just question it. but as i get older, i am beginning to see.. there is reason in all of this. considering the life i have had so far, the childhood i experienced, statistics would have me being an addict, a criminal, an unfit mother... but instead.. i am SO completely the opposite. i have stregthened in adversity. somehow. someway. and now.. i am beginning to truly believe in the power of prayer. i do not go to church, probably never will. but i do have my own relationship with God. and you know what... it's ok. He gets me. and somehow.. people have prayed enough for me over the years... someone is really looking out for me.
so.. wow. long blathering, deep, emotional stuff today. a bit much for a tuesday? maybe. but you know what? "i believe the heart of life is good..." so get over yourself!