so - my "girls" have seen a whole lot more action in the last three weeks than probably the last three years! after a week of waiting to see a surgeon at my doctor's request - surgeon tells me same damn thing the radiologist told me. YOU NEED AN MRI! Jesus H. Christ. I am LIVID. so - the surgeon feels the lump. he tells my my nipple looks very irritated and sore... and do they always look that dry? um - yeah.. NO! not ever. he tells me this. "i've operated on you twice now. first your thyroid, then your gall bladder. each time - you had to fight with docs to get them to see something was wrong. i am 90% sure this lump is probably nothing. but you are a rare patient. you are very in tune with your body. and you know when something's not right. so until i see a clean MRI.. i'm sticking with 90%. sorry to make you wait longer - but we need to be 100%."

my surgeon is a saint. i think the nurse thought i was crazy. as the lumpy boob is being manhandled by Dr Tyler.. i am sitting up, arm up over my head, thryoid scar exposed and then the 4 scars on my belly from the GB removal exposed... I say -"yeah - most women my age like to get tatoos. I personally prefer getting scarred up by Dr. Tyler!" he laughed. the nurse - not so much. i mean - come on - this guy is a saint. it's like i've got his autograph all over me. most people can't even tell he slashed right into my neck and spent four hours taking out as he put it "the most diseased thyroid i've ever seen!"

so. i sit. and wait. and i cry. and i'm not very nice right now. and i am telling people trying to comfort me.. if you tell me one more friggin time it's probably nothing - i will puke all over you. because to ME? RIGHT NOW? it's SOMETHING. damnit. i just want to scream.

35 next month. 35 years old. and this is what i am worrying about right now. unfrigginbelievable. i really don't even know who all reads this rant i put out here... but if i've got your attention this long. feel your boobies. seriously. get them checked. i discovered this problem about four months ago. i kept it a secret. yes ME.. i kept my mouth shut. for a VERY long time. telling no one. denying myself.

will update when i know more.



Gigi said...

I've been thinking about you, glad to see you posting again. I'm still sending good vibes your way along with some really big hugs!

Melonie said...

Yes, I have been thinking of you too. I feel so bad because I have been meaning to e-mail but my Sissy had her GB out unexpectedly last week. She had hundreds of stones! Scary for sure. So needless to say I have been super busy watching my nephews. Hey, please rant a little more often ok? ((((HUGS)))) and love to you.

Holly Terra said...

thinking of you.
Love you tons.

Lisamariemlt said...

hey you
each year I go for that feel your booie thingy-the not so nice thing-mamo
here too
surgery left me scared
path report came back
get checked yearly
I thought I was going in for a simple reduction
left me worrying yearly
hang in there