december daily - day 5

ahhh sweet sunday. and i wish i had my camera on my bedside when i woke up today...but alas, no pics again today. too busy being present.

wow. this day was truly fabulous. i was woken up to a sweet, sweet girl that asked me if i wanted breakfast in bed. well, hullllo? who doesn't? about 15 minutes of a snooze later, she comes back in with a bowl of raisin bran, a cinnamon muffin that she and daddy baked, and a water bottle full of milk, all on her dora tv tray. she gave it to me, then looked at me puzzled and said, "can i share with you?" she ran like the wind back downstairs, grabbed her own spoon and another muffin and came back up.

we sat across from each other, indian style, eating raisin bran. she kept telling me she loved me. she missed me (i was at a crop the whole day before). we got done, she asked if she could get into the "nook" and just hug me and tell me she loved me all morning long. umm, hullllo? of course! get in the nook sister? (this is me on my side, curled up, and her curled into my legs and belly and just snuggled in a ball, facing me. love this) we must have laid in bed for about another 1/2 hour. pure bliss. she then left, and let me sleep for another 2 hours.

i finally woke up to a snow storm. we needed groceries. we had no choice but to brave it together! the prize for being good with momma? a day of craftiness in the studio! BOY - was she ever good! a stop at aldi's, then dollar tree, then home for crafts. we spent about 4 hours just playing and making stuff in my studio. was just awesome - and of course, blaring the christmas tunes the whole time!

this is what holiday weekends are all about. and this is what i'm reaching for this season. letting go of the past, and making memories of the present. i can do nothing else. and over at reverb10 - coincidentally, today the prompt is:

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

wow. a huge one. i have let go of many people and what people think... i have let go of the pain it causes me that they really don't take the time to know me. i've let go of the little girl i used to be, let go of the adult persona i'm "thought" to have.

this has led me to think about judgement. judge me not, for you've not spent the time getting to know my adult self. you've not taken the time to know my life and what really makes me tick. you've not taken the time to see that i'm responsible, passionate and strong. you've not seen how i can take a house and make it into a home. you cannot see how passionate i am about my daughter. you don't see what i enjoy, what makes me tick. you've not witnessed the success i have in my career. you don't see how much i care about others. you don't see that my home is very laid back and stress free (for the most part). you don't see that i don't tolerate drama. you don't see what a wonderful husband i have.

i've been on the receiving end of judgement a great deal the past several years. the hardest experience was a time i spent being judged my other women my age, also with small children and the same momma struggles. things were assumed about me, by a group of women i once thought were friends. i learned about these things and it took me months to regain my self-confidence. months. and these women still have no idea how harsh of a blow their materialistic, selfish, and sophomoric behavior affected a new momma just trying to make friends.

i've let go of these people. i've held my head high. and i've taken the high road every time. in doing so, i've spent a good deal of time alone save for my little immediate family, and you know what? that's ok. it's felt great, actually.

phew. ok. the reverb10 got heavy today. i like it. i say bring it on. right now.

peace and be good.


Cassie said...

Don't let me go!!!!!!!!
I heart you!!!
I don't have real life friends for this reason. I love my online friends with every fiber of my being.
You are so amazing and I am so fortunate to have you in my life.

Gina said...

I'm glad you're enjoying life with your family. After all, they're the ones that really count.
Life's too short to be surrounded with people who bring you down.

bonnie b said...

You are a strong woman and I am so proud to call you my friend! Right here in REAL life and real time! Love you Shelley ! Love the cratfy time we spend together and your unselfish ways!